i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
