Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
