im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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