Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
