Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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