Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
