Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
