it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
