What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Ketchup is God's man juice
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
