I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize