omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
