They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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