break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
