I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
