too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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