is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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