You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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