I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
