My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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