how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
