my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
