Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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