Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
