pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
We just shotgunned beers for America
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
