so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
