The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
