Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
