I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
