STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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