so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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