We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
