u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
