i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
