And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
