when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
