dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
