bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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