I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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