dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
