I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize