i just had sex bonerless
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
