i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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