Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
she told me i tasted like america
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
