There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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