If that was your dad, he is hot
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
