My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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