Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
