I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
