I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
