What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
