Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
