What did we do last night that was yellow?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
