Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
