My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
