the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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