PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize