guys are not supposed to queef...right?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
