im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
