I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
