you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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