After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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