Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
