This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
