He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
