dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
