you win again, gameday.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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