I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
