Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
