she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Randomize
