FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
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