I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
