found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
