It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
