Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
