Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
