I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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