I feel like abortions should bother me more
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
