I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
