He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
