Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize