But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
