So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
