Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
