Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
