I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
