Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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