You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
