If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize