I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
