I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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