Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
