Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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