i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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