You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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