im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
