home. puking in laundry basket.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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