so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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