yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
